


Recovery Isn't Linear

by geiszlerr



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Crying, First Kiss, Gay Constipated Scientists, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Movie: Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018), Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 18:19:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14478483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geiszlerr/pseuds/geiszlerr
Summary: The Precursors have been extracted from Newt's mind, and he's currently living in Hermann's quarters while the Moyulan Shatterdome is reconstructed. Newt slowly recovers from the 10 years of mind control.





	Recovery Isn't Linear

Hermann tried to detach himself from the situation. He didn’t want anything to do with extracting the Precursors from Newton’s mind, and he most certainly didn’t want to contribute to Newton’s screams of terror and pain. He still has nightmares about that, occasionally, waking up in a cold sweat, with Newton’s screaming still fresh in the back of his mind. He has not been completely successful in his various attempts to detach himself, though. When acting Marshall/Ranger Lambert requested him down to the cell where they were holding his partner, he immediately complied. There wasn’t a second of hesitation, and he had hobbled down to the cell right away. 

Thinking about what exactly went down in that cell is still too much for him, and sometimes when he looks down at Newton, silently sleeping next to him, it takes him all of his self-restraint not to cry, to not reach out to make sure Newton is okay. The Moyulan Shatterdome is still under (re)construction, and there isn’t enough space for Newt to ‘officially’ have his own quarters yet. The ‘unofficial’ reason is that being alone probably wouldn’t do Newt any good, and he was placed under Hermann’s care. As if Hermann was planning on ever leaving his former lab partner out of his sight ever again. 

Sharing a room with Newton has been harder than Hermann could’ve ever anticipated, and Newton is not the same energetic man as he was Before. In hindsight, Hermann should’ve expected this to happen, but Newt wakes up screaming almost every single night, and actively shies away from Hermann when he tries to comfort him. One particular night, after a really bad nightmare, Newt mumbled something along the lines of “not being worthy of comfort” when Hermann tried to comfort him, which resulted in neither of them getting much sleep that night. Aside from the nightmares, Newt had lost a significant amount of weight while they were working on expelling the Precursors from his mind, and his face looks gaunt. He has perpetual dark circles underneath his eyes, and never seems to be fully present. He no longer wears his signature white shirt and skinny tie combo, but instead shyly asked Hermann if he could borrow some of his sweaters. When Hermann asked why, Newt softly told him that the sweaters’ soft fabric and long sleeves comfort him, and remind him that he’s Himself again. The fact that the sweaters smell like Hermann is also very comforting to him, and the long sleeves hide his tattoos but Newt isn’t brave enough to tell Hermann that just yet. Their relationship feels a little strained as it is, and he doesn’t want to alienate the one person he trusts most in this world. 

Newton joins Hermann in the lab every day, but still isn’t very eager to do work of his own. He usually sits in the corner of Hermann’s office, reading, or softly listening to music on a battered old iPod. Hermann often asks him for input, and Newt hesitantly gives his advice on experiments and theories, unsure if Hermann’s just being nice or if he actually values his opinion. His usual chatter and constant stream of comments is lacking, however, and Hermann misses it dearly. Of course, Newton is trying, and still recovering, but he can’t stop himself from feeling sad when Newt doesn’t heavily criticise his theories when asked to look them over. 

Most days have been good though, with Newt being able to go to the mess by himself to fetch them both a snack or coffee. It’s easier for him to go places by himself when he has a clear (Hermann-related) motivation. One afternoon, Jake wandered into the lab and sat down next to Newt, who had immediately tensed up. Jake didn’t talk, but just patiently sat there, and waited until Newt’s anxiety dissipated before looking at him and pulling out an old Gipsy Danger figure out of his pocket, handing it over to Newt. “A long time ago, dad told me you used to collect these, and I went through my things and thought that it might be a cool addition to your collection.” He’d quietly mumbled, and Newt had uttered a quiet “thank you”. Jake got up, curtly nodded at a surprised Hermann and left the room. The toy quickly became a staple, and Newt took it everywhere with him, absentmindedly thumbing at it while walking to the mess, turning it over in his hands while waiting for Hermann to finish showering. Wherever Newt goes, the toy goes with him. 

After this, more and more people start showing up at the lab with Jaeger figures, but the Gipsy Danger figure is the only one that Newt carries with him. The other Jaegers have taken up place in his and Hermann’s room, and a couple of them are in his corner of Hermann’s office. One of the new kids even hand made him a figure, but he didn’t recognise the Jaeger at first. “That was Ranger Namani, and the Jaeger you’re holding is Scrapper. Ranger Namani built her all by herself.” Hermann said. Newt’s face had lit up, and Scrapper joined Gipsy in Newton’s pocket, carrying both Jaegers with him at all times. Eventually, someone gave him a Knifehead toy, and he quietly thanked the tech, before bolting back to his and Hermann’s shared quarter. The sight of Kaiju still made him incredibly anxious, and neither Dr. Geiszler nor Dr. Gottlieb left their room on that day. The next day, they’d both walked into the lab like nothing happened, but both of them were tense, until dinner, where Jake had ‘accidentally’ spilled custard all over Nate’s head. 

No new Kaiju figures were given to Dr. Geiszler after that day, and people stuck to Jaeger toys. Two whole months after the whole ‘Give Dr. Geiszler Miniature Jaeger Toys’-event had died down, Newt was still carrying Scrapper and Gipsy with him everywhere he went. A J-tech had handmade him a small Saber Athena plushie, which has taken up a prominent place on Newt’s side of the bed. Even Hermann had to admit that it was very well made. Newton clutched it to his chest every single night, and he no longer wakes up every single night, screaming his lungs out. 

Of course, this doesn’t mean that the nightmares have completely disappeared yet; Newt has been through too much to be let off the hook that easily. One night, Hermann woke up to Newton softly weeping into the plush toy. He was still asleep, but he was shaking and crying - not like his usual nighttime routine. Normally, Newt would’ve woken up screaming already but now the nightmare seemed to go on and on, and it didn’t seem like Newton would be released from its clutches anytime soon. Hermann was at a loss of what to do, and carefully put his hand on one of Newton’s shoulders. The warm touch wasn’t enough, and only made things worse. Newton was no longer silently crying, and his cries devolved into heavy sobs. Hermann sat up and grabbed Newt’s other shoulder, pulling the sobbing man into his chest. “Newton … Newton, darling boy, it’s only a dream, I am here Newton, I am here” he whispered into his ear, while gently shaking Newt’s shoulders. Startling them both, Newt awoke with a loud gasp. He frantically looked around, and tried to get his bearings. Hermann removed one of his hands from Newton’s shoulder, and turned on the bedside lamp. Once their eyes adjusted to the sudden light, Hermann looked Newton in the eye. He was still crying, and shivering a little. “I’m … sorry I woke you up, I’m, I’ll… I’ll go wash my face, go back to sleep.” Newton said, hiccuping, while moving to get out of bed. 

Instead of letting him out, Hermann pulled Newton back into his chest, and let out a shuddering breath. Newt didn’t struggle, and sagged into Hermann, carefully putting Saber Athena aside, and loosely looping his arms around Hermann’s back. “Newton, your - in your dream, may I ask what happened?” Newt let out a sigh and nestled his head underneath Hermann’s chin. “I dreamt that they succeeded.” He quietly admitted. “In my dream, the Precursors, you guys failed to drive them out and they got mad and they succeeded and made me kill you. I - I- I had to watch you die, Hermann.” This prompted Hermann to tighten his arms around Newton, who started sobbing again. “I am right here love, I am right here. They are gone, you are safe with me, Newton. I am alive, I am safe, you are safe, they did not succeed. I promise.” Hermann said into Newt’s hair. “Feel my heart beat, my darling boy. I am most certainly alive and so are you.” He softly added. Newt pulled back and looked at Hermann. “Hermann please, I need to - I need -“ he stuttered. “Anything you need, Newton, tell me, bitte.” Hermann replied. Newton opened his mouth, and was about to continue talking, but instead of doing so, he just burrowed into Hermann again, putting his arms back around him, wrapping them around Hermann’s back as tight as possible. Hermann immediately understood what Newton required of him, and moved his hands from Newt’s shoulders to his back, pulling him in further than he thought possible. After a while, Newt’s shaking started to subside. Hermann craned his neck to check the alarm clock on the table besides the bed. They’d been clinging to eachother for over 20 minutes now. He carefully loosened his grip on the smaller man and pulled back. Newton’s face was puffy and red, and he was still crying. The gut-wrenching sobbing had stopped, luckily. 

Hermann took Newton’s scruffy face into his hands and wiped away the stray tears with his thumbs, before moving his hands back down to Newton’s cheeks. “Newton, look at me, please.” Hermann softly requested. Newt refused to meet Hermann’s eyes, and kept them trained on a spot on the wall, behind Hermann’s head. “I apologise if I’m asking too much of you, but what made this particular nightmare so bad? You told me what it was about, but please, why was this one so bad?” Newton inhaled deeply before moving his head up to meet Hermann’s eyes. “Don’t freak out on me right now, okay Herms?” Newt whispered. Hermann nodded, and prompted Newt to continue. “Okay so, they uhh… they made me kill you, in my dream. Which was very bad because I’d never wanna kill you, ever, but like, I…., Gott, I love you, Hermann. I love you so much and being made to kill you was so bad. I’m sorry if I’m freaking you out right now man but killing you hurt so bad and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it and ..” At this point, the tears had started flowing steadily again, and Newt was struggling to breathe. “I’m sorry if this is too weird for you, Herms, I’ll ask if they have a room ready for me if you don’t wanna be around me anymore. I’d understand.” 

Instead of pushing him away, as Newt expected, Hermann pulled him closer, tightening his grip again. He tucked his face into Newt’s shoulder. Newt felt wetness, and realised that Hermann was crying now, too. “Hermann?” He softly enquired. “I never want to be separated from you ever again, darling boy. If you truly think that I would ever want to be apart from you, think again, Newton.” Hermann said, while hugging Newt close. “I love you too, Newton. I love you too, so much.” He confessed. “Those years we spent apart have been rather…. unpleasant, and I am planning on never letting you out of my sight ever again.” 

Never in his life had Hermann thought he’d be allowed to have this. He hadn’t even allowed himself to even so much as entertain the mere thought of Newton returning his feelings. He’d never considered the possibility that might love him, too. 

“Hermann?” Newt quietly mumbled. “Yes, my darling boy?” “Does this mean that you’re not gonna kick me out? ‘Cos I really don’t want to be separated from you again either.” Hermann softly laughs, and takes the smaller man’s face in his hands again. “You can stay with me for as long as you want.” He whispers, while putting his forehead to Newton’s.

Newt’s hands had crept to the back of Hermann’s head, and his thumbs were softly stroking the fuzzy undercut. The sensation made Hermann shudder, and he closed the distance between their faces. “Newton, please, may I kiss you?” Hermann murmured. Instead of answering, Newt moved his head forwards until their lips were touching. Newt closed his eyes, and tilted his head sideways, and leaned into Hermann. Their lips were slowly moving against eachother, and all of the tension flooded out of both their bodies. 

Newt carefully pulled away. “Not to be a total buzzkill, but I’m still kinda tired, and you haven’t been sleeping well either.” Newt admitted. Hermann nodded, before moving to lay back down. He motioned at Newt to lay down next to him, before pulling the covers back over both of their bodies. Newt rolled over so that he was laying on his side, and looked Hermann in the eye. “I love you, Herms.” He sighed. Hermann’s face softened, and he reached out to pull Newton closer to him. A soft “I love you, too, Newton.” Was whispered in his hair, and he nestled himself under Hermann’s chin. He felt thin arms wrap around his back, and he moved to wrap his own arms around Hermann's back, pulling him in tighter "Sleep now, liebling." Was the last thing Newt heard before sleep pulled him under again. Hermann would keep him safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter @gelszler n tell me what u think! This is my first ever piece of writing so be gentle please.


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